Sport Shots

I never got those guys who were waking up to get their morning exercise just as I was staggering home from a club to plan my hangover, but when I watched them lift those nifty bottles and squeeze water or Gatorade or their own urine or whatever it is they drink into their mouth, I always felt a twinge of jealously. It just looked so convenient.

Somewhere in the mid-90s, I discovered Sport Shots. Jealousy no more!

Sport Shots were vaugely-Schnappsish-flavored alcoholic beverages that came prepackaged in transparent squirt bottles just like the ones those sanctimonious bikers carried along with their safety reflectors and smug "Hey, I'm not puking in the gutter" looks.

Plus, while they were labeled with alcohol content and a few other words of text, the letters rubbed off as soon as you looked at them, so they were perfect for walking down the street drinking in flagrant violation of California's open container law. (Come to think of it, you never opened them, just squirted the alcohol through the little nozzle--but I don't think the LAPD would have gone for that excuse.)

Finally, there was the name. Sport Shots. In case you ever need to get really hammered before quarterbacking the big football game, I guess.

There were four flavors which, like much of 1995, I for some reason can't remember, but the red one tasted just like cinammon Scope mouthwash. Ah, memories.

I would have spent my childhood slurping Sports Bottle Candy in prepration, but they didn't invent it until I was 16, so I had to come into Sport Shots unprepared. But I took to it with gusto. Until 6 months later, it was gone, as quickly as it had come.

I suppose I could have gotten a bicycle and started drinking Evian or whatever, but when forced to choose between convenient health and inconvenient drunkenness, the choice was easy.