14 December 2005

Grand Theft Auto: The Sex

Of course the real hoopla with GTA:SA wasn't the violence, it was the sex. It all started with the "Hot Coffee" patch. Not that the right-wing lunatics of the Democratic Leadership Conference wouldn't have found some reason to shout about GTA, but this was their way in.

After Hot Coffee surfaced, GTA:SA was pulled from the shelves, and eventually rerated AO for Adults Only. How exactly is this different from M for Mature?

For an M, if you're not an adult, you have to convince your parents to buy it for you even though you probably shouldn't be playing it.

For an AO, if you're not an adult, you have to convince your parents to pretend to buy it for themselves and then give it to you even though you probably shouldn't be playing it.

(If you're Dad's too much of a pussy to look the salesman in the eye and say, "Yes, I want to play Grand Theft Auto," he can just tell them it's for his 18-year-old son in college.)

The difference is supposed to be the sexual content. Never mind the whole argument about hidden content that you have to download a mod to access (and RockStar shouldn't have tried it). Among dozens of minigames is a cheesy sex game with no nudity, and this is somehow less acceptable for tender young children of 17 than Grand Theft Auto.

Well, I suppose it might be dangerous for kids to think they could have sex without taking their pants off. They'll be bragging to their friends that they "went all the way" when all they got was a dry-hump--and they won't even know they're lying. A whole generation could grow up pathetic.

But somehow, I don't think this is what Hillary, Tipper, and Hadassah are all pissed off about.

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